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User blog:The Nameless Lancer/Fanfiction Re-review: Shadow Over Yharnam Part 1
In my initial review for Shadow Over Yharnam Part 1, I said that the story was good, but could have been better, and that it was disappointing. At the time, I thought that the story didn't have enough action, had a bad ending, and that Harold was as accurate as a musket. So, Plague did a remaster of it, and that changes almost everything. The story is so much better now. The shitty epilogue is now cut content essentially, and chapter 3 is now completely different. This is great. Honestly, only one of my initial cons is still present in the story, but that's just because it is something that cannot be changed. I am really excited to do this review. Because this isn't a normal review, it is going to be a little bit different. I'm going to have the stuff that I said about the chapters in the initial review, as well as what I have to say now. I'm also going to put the original chapter scores, and the new chapter scores, if there are any changes. Let's get started. Prologue: Call of the Moon Presence "Very good introduction. It's cool that Plague and Amelia had a kid. Also, Harold bursting in and saying 'Congradulations Jackie Boy' almost made me spit Dr. Pepper onto my computer screen. And the fact that 7 years later, James rescues Plague's daughter from the Moon Presence is very cool. Not much else to say. Overall, this is a solid chapter, and definitely one of the highlights of the story." - The Nameless Lancer, December 19, 2017. Honestly, there isn't really a noticable difference between the original and remastered version. This is easily the least remastered chapter in the story. It's not like it needed to be remastered or anything, but I had to mention it. Original Score: 10/10 Remastered Score: 10/10 Chapter 1: Darkness Falls "One of my favorite chapters in the story. James, Plague, and Harold teaming up is very cool. Also, Serina is such a bitch. She used Harold's past against him. I was questioning how she knew about Harold's relationships with Henriett as well as Elena, until I remembered that she was working for a god. That's pretty much it." Just like the prologue, nothing has really changed. This is still one of my favorite chapters in the story, but it is barely remastered. Original Score: 10/10 Remastered Score: 10/10 Chapter 2: The Eldritch Virus "This chapter is great. The fact that Harold, Jack, and James each saw someone that had died flash before their eyes is pretty damn cool. Also, Harold was on the ground crying. That really shows how much he loved his wife. What the fuck am I saying? And Legion taking the form of Kade in order to trick Amelia is pretty neat. Overall, very fantastic chapter." '''This '''is a remastered chapter. Plague fixed my second biggest complaint with this story: Harold looking too weak. In the original version, Harold was on the ground crying like a fucking child after seeing Lydia. Now, he is on the ground, fighting back tears, I believe. That is more like something that Harold would do. Original Score: 9.1/10 Remastered Score: 10/10 Chapter 3: The Lancer's Folly "I have very mixed feelings about this chapter. This is the chapter that disappointed me the most. The name made me very excited since I knew that it would be about Harold mostly, but it was just not as good as it could have been. Why is Harold being such a dumbass? I get that he was drunk, but how drunk was he? There are some very good things about this chapter, though. The part where James rolls off of the couch while taking the blanket with him is pretty funny. I have one question though: Why wasn't Elizabeth wearing a shirt? Jack also acts very similar to Harold, with him finding a note telling him not to do something, and he does it anyway. Overall, not a bad chapter, but it is average enough for me to take away points from the story. Also, Plague had initially left an error in this chapter, but I corrected that in my current fanfiction." This chapter should be the definition of a remastered chapter. Initially, this chapter was really bad. Now, it's amazing. It's almost completely different now. Alexander Gascoigne and that piece of shit Van Helsing are in this, so that's cool. A prostitute tries to seduce Harold, but there is only one whore that he cannot resist, and it's not that whore. And then, Harold goes home, and sees "Lydia" lying completely naked under the covers of his bed. This time, Harold is not so drunk that he forgets that his wife is dead, and is not fooled by Legion. He still gets captured, but that was never a downside. That bone headed whore named Sarina tries showing off her charm by showing Harold her bewbies. Now, if it was Altair, he would have submitted, but not Harold. Harold resists that, spits in Sarina's face, and she scratches him. Then she gets killed, and I really don't want to talk about this chapter too much. It's just... wow. Plague did a really fantastic job with this chapter. It's not easy taking a bad chapter and making it good. Well done, Plague. Well done. Original Score: 5/10 Remastered Score: 10/10 Chapter 4: Death in the Family "This chapter is so damn good that it broke the ranking scale. This chapter is really cool. Kind of sad as well. James trying to do the right thing is really cool. But, he failed to do the right thing in the end. Him accidentally killing Amelia because he thinks that she is someone else is a good concept. Overall, the best chapter in the story. I don't know what that shows more: how great this chapter is, or how average the other chapters are." Getting past how this chapter nearly gave me a physcotic breakdown after reading it for the first time, I still think that this is one of Plague's best chapters. It is pretty sad that Elizabeth is pregnant, because she and the child both die not long after this chapter takes place. Other than that small detail, there isn't really a big difference. I initally gave this chapter a score that broke the ranking scale, and now.... it will break the scale even more. I have no idea why I love this chapter so much, especially after it made me feel like an idiot because I had no idea what had happened after reading it for the first time. Original Score: 10.88/10 Remastered Score: 21.76/10 Chapter 5: A Deal "This chapter is okay. Jack burying Amelia shows how much he truly loved her. Also, Plague is right: Harold can have all the women that he wants. Plague making a deal with the Moon Presence pissed me off so much, though. Why does he think that the Moon Presence will hold up his side of the deal? Jackie Boy, you're an idiot. Sorry about that." I still don't really like this chapter. Not much has really changed besides one part of the shitty epilogue being combined into this chapter. That's really it. It is still getting a higher score, though. Original Score: 7.8/10 Remastered Score: 10/10 Pros *The story is truly remastered. *Great chapter 4. *The terrible epilogue was erased. *Chapter 3 isn't bad anymore. Cons *R.I.P. Vicar Amelia. Verdict God fucking damn. I never expected to see a remaster this good. I didn't love the original version because I didn't think that it had enough action. Then, Shadow Over Yharnam Part 2 had more action, and it turned out pretty.... lackluster. I take back everything bad that I said about this story in my initial review. Here's the original and remastered scores: Original Score: 8.7/10 Remastered Score: 10/10 This story really deserves that 10/10. It really does. I was going to do the first chapter of "Crimson Day" today, but I am going to do it tomorrow. There's one more thing that I want to share with you. The Lancer's reaction to reading Chapter 4 for the first time (Sees chapter title a week before the chapter comes out) Lancer: I have a bad feeling about this. (Prepares to read the chapter) Lancer: Here we go. (Starts reading first paragraph) Lancer: That's nice of you, James. (Sees how James fucks up) Lancer: Oh dear. (Starts reading second paragraph, and sees something about Corvus) Lancer: Huh? (Reads about James killing Corvus) Lancer: Is he dead this time? (Sees something about a truth) Lancer: Wait, what? (Keeps reading, but completely misses when it says "He saw what remained of Amelia") Lancer: What's happening? (Reads when it says that James was "horrified at what he had done") Lancer: Wait, what did James do? I don't get it. (Finishes reading) Lancer: What?! What?! What?! I had no idea what just happened. I left a comment. Lancer: I don't understand. What the fuck just happened in this chapter? I sent a message to Plague. Lancer: Umm, what? What just happened? I don't understand. What the hell? Am I missing something? I don't know what happened. What did James do? Is there something that I was supposed to notice? What the fuck? Can you explain this to me? While waiting for someone to tell this very confused Lancer what I wasn't seeing, Pale had noticed something that I apparently didn't, so I responded to his comment. Lancer: Wait. You are actually able to tell what the fuck happened? Because I sure as hell can't. Plague responded shortly after, and: (Realizes what the fuck just happened) Lancer: (Covers face with both hands) Are you serious?! It was that simple?! (Removes hands from face) I am fucking retarded! Jesus Christ! What. The. FUCK?! (Deep breath) Okay... I think I’m good. I felt like a fucking idiot after realizing that James killed Vicar Amelia because he thought she was Corvus. I'm fuckin' stupid. I can't remember if the part where it says that it was Amelia was added later, or if I was just too confused and didn't notice it. Either way, I'm fucking retarded. I still can't believe that happened. That is one of the reasons that I love this chapter, though. It is a really cool chapter. Category:Blog posts